


Peter's Soliloquy

by tacendaparker16



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt Peter Parker, Morgan Stark Needs a Hug (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Natasha Romanov Feels, Not A Fix-It, Pepper Potts Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Angst, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark are Siblings (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Podfic Welcome, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Precious Peter Parker, Protective Avengers, Sad Peter Parker, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Good With Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27807022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacendaparker16/pseuds/tacendaparker16
Summary: After the snap,  Tony finds a lost file from Peter’s suit’s database. It is very vague, its only form of identification being “Peter’s Soliloquy.” Tony watches it, and soon finds his determination to reverse the damage that has been done.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63
Collections: Peter Parker Whump





	Peter's Soliloquy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all,
> 
> I hope you enjoy this work! Just a few quick things before you read...
> 
> 1\. Natasha Romanov is not dead. She was saved by the stones from Steve (or whatever you want to believe). Why, you may ask? Oh, well very good question. Probably because I DO NOT HAVE THE EMOTIONAL STRENGTH TO BELIEVE SHE'S DEAD. NO. 
> 
> 2\. This has a lot of whump in it, but some fluff, too. So read at your own risk. 
> 
> 3\. There are a couple (like maybe two) MINOR swear words throughout this work. Just a little warning if you're sensitive to that (or if you're not of age to meet the guidelines. Don't act like you don't do it, little ones. We all used to.) 
> 
> Okay, I think that's all. ENJOY!

//Nobody’s POV//

Wake up.   
Head down to the lab.  
Work. Work nonstop until forced to take a break.  
Nibble on the meal given to him by one of the few remaining people he loves.   
Get back to work.  
Tinker. Busy himself. Anything to suppress his emotions, to block out the thoughts racing through his mind.   
Work some more.   
Make some progress on a new project.   
Eventually pass out from exhaustion, coffee can only do so much to keep you up. Apparently not past 48 hours, though.   
Repeat. 

And that was Tony’s schedule. The endless cycle he trapped himself into. He knew others were worried about him. Deep down, he was worried about himself. But that didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the fact that he had failed.   
It didn’t change the fact that those he trusted had failed, too.

_‘We’ll lose.’_

_‘Then we’ll do that together, too.’_

Those words raced through his brain, taking over like a symbiote as the words coursed through his thoughts, their destructive meaning leaving heavy scars on his heart.   
Because they had lost. But they certainly hadn’t done it together. And now they never would again. 

Time passed. Tony aged, and Pepper did, too.  
Tony pretended to move on. And the world was convinced. The only ones who saw through his act were the few still living who actually understood him. And even they were gone. All he had was Natasha and Pepper.   
And now he had Morgan, too.   
The sweet little girl with the long brown locks and the beaming smile.  
Pepper’s little girl.  
His little girl. 

And so he pretended to heal. For his family that he now had. The one that kept him alive. 

That didn’t stop the guilt of those he lost. The mere fact that Morgan got to live while the world didn’t, while his teammates didn’t, while Peter didn’t, that’s what burdened him. What kept him awake at night in his labs. What haunted him through nightmares and cold sweats and panic attacks. 

_‘Mr. Stark,’_ the words raced through his mind over and over again. 

_‘I don’t feel so good,’_ The sweet boy, the terrified boy, said in his head.

_‘I don’t wanna go, sir. Please, I don’t wanna go!’_

Tony’s breath would hitch at his begging. His begging for his life. 

But more time passed, and the voices still stayed, although they became more and more distant with each passing year. 

Morgan was five, now. 

Peter would have been twenty-one. 

But he wasn’t. And he never would be. 

It was also in this year that his old teammates made a visit to his distant home in upstate New York, the one where he and Pepper had decided to raise their little girl. 

It was at this time when they introduced him to Scott, the man he had seen but not quite recognized back in Germany all those years ago. That dispute seemed so small and meaningless now. It was small and meaningless. _‘God, they’d been so selfish.’_

So now here he sat, in the middle of his living room, way too late (or early, he didn’t know) to count the time that had passed. He mindlessly flipped through old files and archives, searching for nothing in particular. That’s when he stumbled upon it.

An old file from Peter’s suit. 

The billionaire clicked on it before he even registered his own actions. 

A million thought and no thoughts race through his mind at once. 

The man pressed play. 

And there sat Peter, at his desk, his blue school hoodie blanketing him comfortingly. The boy tried to smile, but Tony could tell his kid was just… off. Peter sighed and rubbed his hand over his face before finally speaking up.

_“Hey, guys! So, um, something happened today. Something big. Basically, I tried to take down this ‘Vulture’ guy… turns out, you should 100% NOT try to take down your girlfriend’s dad. Well, anyways, I guess it just made me realize something._

The teenager sighed, his body leaning to the side of the chair, his head resting as his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose and his eyes squinted.

_I get it, this whole ‘vigilante’ thing isn’t exactly safe. But I think that tonight really made me realize just how…”_

The boy paused again, this time taking a shaky breath as he tried to properly formulate his words.

_“-how easy it would actually be for something bad to happen to me. Like, something REALLY bad. And- God, I don’t wanna think about it… but it’s true. I am in danger. And I think that often times I’m so worried about others that it never really dawned on me until now that I’m in danger, too._

_So, if something were to ever happen, I want the people I love to have closure. Closure through this video. Closure like I never really had with my parents._

_First, to May. I mean, what can I say? I am so, so incredibly grateful for you. You took me in even though you didn’t want kids, you raised me to be the person I am today, and you’ve helped me through every step of my crazy life. Hell, you even support me being Spider-Man! I know Ben’s death was hard on you, and I know mine won’t be easy either. But just know that I’m watching over you. Start a foundation in my name, in Spidey’s name. I wanna help people, even after I’m gone. I love you so much, May. Words can’t express it. And I wish I could give you a hug right now, one that would last forever. But just know that I’ll see you again some day. And until then you’ve just gotta keep living. Live for me. Life for Ben. Live for all of us. Please, just keep going strong. I love you, May. Always and Forever._

_Okay, now to Ned and MJ. Ned, you’ve been the best best friend I could ever ask for. Sorry I ruined your LEGO Death Star. But hey, build some more for me, will ya? Promise? You and MJ, still have those Friday Night Movie Marathons ‘kay? And watch 'Empire Strikes Back' for me. Thanks for being my Guy in the Chair. I love you, man. Truly._

_And for MJ. I’m gonna be honest, I doubt I’ve told you this by the time you’re seeing this video. But, um, I like you, MJ. I really, really like you. And um, I’m sorry I never got to tell you that. Trust me, I wanted to, every time I saw your beautiful face. Who knows, maybe if Puny Parker ever musters up the courage to tell you I’ll go back and change this video accordingly. But, um, until then, just know how special you were to me. And, I’m so glad that we got to be friends. More or not, I’m just thankful for the time I had with you when I had it. Oh and hey, finish those Shakespeare books for me, would ya? You probably already have, knowing you, But, just do it for me. Since I could never find the strength in English class to read them myself. Oh and, thanks for the homework help, by the way. I love you, too. Both of you mean the world to me._

_And, finally, to Mr. Stark. Look, it’s been a little complicated between us. I mean, at first I think I made you want to throw your head into a wall… without the suit. But um, well, I hope you don’t feel that way anymore._

_I’ve always loved our time in the Lab together, fixing up your cars and tinkering with our suits and gadgets. I’ll miss that. But just know I’ll always be there in the Lab with you, and trust me, I’ll be laughing. Hey, who knows? Maybe I can be one of those ghosts that messes people’s things up. I could even smudge grease on your expensive dress suits and have FRIDAY spray-paint Mark 42 pink! As payback for that time you took my suit away, remember?”_

Peter smirked at his own antics, before suddenly turning oddly serious again. He looked like he was thinking, contemplating deeply. Finally, the boy continued.

_"Ya know, We were talking about Shakespeare in English 101 today, Mr. Stark. Something about how his playwrights always led to a tragedy, to the inevitable downfall of the hero figure. I guess in real life, that’s me. That’s just how it happens, though, right Mr. Stark? That’s how a Shakespearean tragedy works. The hero’s downfall. That's really the only thing I've bothered to learn in that class. But anyways, it’s inevitable in his work. And I guess, in some part, it is in the real world, too. So, um, if you’re watching this, I guess that’s just means I had my fall._

_Don’t worry, it was inevitable anyways._

_But that’s okay. Because that’s life. Just a beautiful tragedy._

_Please don’t mourn me. Please don’t be sad. Because I’m not._

_I know I died for a good reason. And I knew it would happen eventually._

_I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you, Mr. Stark._

_Thank you, Tony._

_I love you, dad.”_

Suddenly the audio from the video picked up, and the sound of their apartment door opening could be heard in the distance of the small apartment Peter had used as his filming location, followed shortly by May’s calls to her nephew to help with the groceries. 

The boy perked up at this, waved to the camera one final time, and reached his hand towards the lens before shutting the camera off, ending the video. 

And then there Tony sat, alone once again with nothing but the fleeting recorded voice of his boy, his son, circulating through his mind.   
Tony doesn’t know exactly how long he sat there for. But every second was filled with sadness, with mourning. With pain. 

__________________ 

And then everything was fixed. And here sat Peter, inside the countryside lake house shortly after Tony’s funeral. That’s when he got to watch his video.   
Only this time, it was Tony that spoke.

_“Hey, kid. I, um, I don’t really know how to say this._

_I’m gonna try something tomorrow and I don’t know if it’ll work. It’s just been so long, so this is the first time we’ve had hope in a while. Anyways, um, if things don’t work out, I just wanted to talk to you one last time. I mean, I know you’re not there, but still. Anyways,_

_You know what sucks? Is every morning when I first open my eyes,_

_For a brief second I forget that you’re gone,_

_I forget that five years ago you were taken from me._

_And in that second I think I’m back there again,_

_Back where things used to be._

_And that I’m going to wake up to see your smiling face,_

_That I’ll get to make you breakfast and see you off to school after a long overnight at the tower._

_But then I snap out of it and into reality and I realize that…_

_You’re gone._

_So, um, I really hope this works. Because I don’t think I could do it without you anymore._

_Oh, and, Pete? If you end up making it but things go south… for me, you know, I want you to promise me something. Promise me that you’ll take care of Morgan. Be her big brother. Be everything I couldn’t._

_And Pete?_

_Don’t mourn me. Don’t live every day as I have without you in my life._

_Because it’s just like you said, right kid?_

_We’re the heroes, and it’s just like in Shakespeare. It was just my turn to fall this time._

_And that’s okay. Because that’s just what you said, right? That life’s a beautiful tragedy?_

_Take care of yourself, son. I love you 3000._

Tony paused before adding,

_Oh, and, I’ll just let Morguna explain that one.”_

Tony’s hologram winked before turning and walking away, shutting off after a few seconds. 

By now Peter’s face was covered in tears, wet marks streaming down his face as he sniffled and wiped his nose on the cuff of his expensive black dress suit. 

It was also then that Morgan walked into the kitchen. 

She noticed the boy crying and walked up to him curiously. 

“Petey? Why are you so sad?” She paused before looking down at her feel somberly. Her voice dropped quietly as she continued. “Do you miss Daddy, too?” 

The teen vigilante carefully bent down and picked the small Stark girl up before placing her on the counter to face him. Now that she was practically at eye level, Peter spoke up. 

“Yeah, Morguna, I do,” he spoke softly. The boy sniffled, and as he did so Morgan reached up and carefully used the sleeves of her sweater to wipe his cheeks free of the tears that now coated them, their glossy afterglow no longer illuminated by the soft, ambient lights in the kitchen. 

“What was it like getting to fight with him? I bet it was so cool!” the little girl’s face began so slowly curl into a smile, the change of topic causing Peter to smile a little bit, too. 

“Well, it was pretty fun, actually. Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He paused, noticing that Morgan was listening intently, eager to hear more about her dad, the dad she looked up to so, so much. 

Peter continued.

“Did I ever tell you how we met, Morg? You know, your dad and I?” The little girl shook her head playfully, the smile still plastered across her little face. 

“Well, I came home from school one day and there your dad was, just sitting on the couch with my aunt! At first I was shocked, I honestly thought it was just some impersonator May had taken up off the streets.” Peter said exasperatedly, causing Morgan to giggle. His smile grew as he continued the story. 

“And then he made up this whole 'internship' story in front of my Aunt, so that she wouldn’t catch on to my hero duties. And I went along with it, too. That was, well, until we got into my bedroom. See, it was then that your dad took out one of his fancy little tablets and pulled up a hologram of me as Spider-Man saving a bus-full of people. And I tried to deny that it was me, but your dad was just too smart.” Peter said those last three words on beat with his index finger, lightly tapping Morgan’s nose with each syllable. 

"Yep," the boy sighed, "he saw right through me." Peter said, chuckling a little bit and shaking his head gently as his gaze turned downwards, recalling the precious memory. 

“And, I guess it just went from there.” The boy said, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned against the counter, one hand on each side of Morgan. 

“Then what?” Morgan said excitedly, eager to know more about the relationship between the two. “What was your first mission with Daddy like?” 

“Your dad took me to Germany, and we fought a bunch of the other Avengers in this airport.” Peter said, trying not to lean too much into the events of the Civil War. He wasn’t too sure Tony would have wanted his little girl to know about that just yet, and Pepper would definitely have his ass out if she ever found out he had told Morgan about those events. That would be even more dangerous than his hero work. 

After they talked for a short while longer, Peter made Morgan a hot cocoa before carrying her into the living room where the rest of the Avengers sat. 

“Hey, Morg!” scattered voices spoke throughout the room. The little Stark left the spiderling’s arms and went to visit with Bucky, Steve and Banner. 

Meanwhile, Peter made his way over to Pepper and Natasha, who had been talking to each other whilst leaning in the doorway. They looked up and smiled somberly as he walked over. As Peter approached, each woman gave him a gentle hug before the three just stood there, heads down, thinking over everything they had been through. 

Natasha’s head was the first to glance back up, and when it did, she was looking at Peter. 

“So, how are you doing, really?” She spoke in a soft tone, one she reserved strictly for those she was especially close with. 

The boy paused, thinking over his emotions before responding. 

“Y-yeah, I’m okay, I guess. I mean, I’ll get better. I always do.” The teenager paused once again before glancing up towards Morgan, who by now was trying to have an arm wrestling contest with Bucky’s metal arm. Bucky was letting her win, of course. 

“I get how she feels, you know,” he sighed. “I lost my parents when I was her age, too. But it’s good that she’s got the Team. I mean, I didn’t, and I had Uncle Ben and Aunt May, but no one else, really. But this is good for her, she’ll feel like she belongs here. Like she’s a part of her own family. Plus she’s got you, Pep,” the boy looked up at the CEO with a lighter expression, still solemn but at least attempting to curl his lips into somewhat of a smile. 

“You know, she really looks up to you. You’re her brother, Peter. And you’re just as much a part of this family here as she is.” Pepper spoke, placing a gentle comforting hand across the back of his shoulders. 

“And we’ll get through this,” said Natasha. “We always do. And we’ll do it together, too. No breaking up this time, that’s a promise.” 

Peter glanced between the two women, his smile growing slightly more as he took in their meaningful words. He felt safe here. He felt included. He felt loved. 

“Yeah, I think it will,” the teen vigilante spoke, his smile growing now before he turned back towards the group in the cabin’s living room and headed over to join them, a slight jog in his step as he made his way over to them. Things were tough right now. They were all hurting, and nothing could replace the hole in each of their hearts that Tony Stark had left behind. But the legacy he had left behind was important too, and Peter wouldn’t let Tony’s sacrifice go to waste. 

Things weren’t okay right now, but they would be eventually. 

Peter just knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> WOOOOW okay that was WAAAAAY more whump than I let on. Welp, I'm TOTALLY NOT crying right now. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'm sorry this chapter took so long, it took a lot of brainstorming and I am also working on several other works, as well. (So be on the lookout for those! *hint hint, wink wink*) 
> 
> As always, my work is podfic welcome! 
> 
> Alright my lovelies, I think that's all, let me know in the comments what your thoughts are or any suggestions you may have! Thank you so much for all of your support, it really means a lot to me. 
> 
> Have a great week, my lovelies. As always, I love you to Stark Tower and back! <3


End file.
